To riff on the 1000 Uses For Beer that seem to be all the rage lately, I’ll offer a bit of levity today on how not to use beer. Enjoy ~

1. Use it to wash your dogs or cats. While we hear that beer is good for hair, I’d caution that your beloved four-leggers will have an aroma that will be slightly mystifying and not so great. Plus it may attract other smaller critters who find the smell enticing.

2. Use it to wash your car. It’ll leave streaky marks undesirable for a mirror finish.

Beer fountains - not a good idea....

Beer fountains – not a good idea….

3. Heat it up and drink it hot. Sure, you’ll certainly expand your palate – though beers made to be kept cool and drank in varying degrees of coolness to super chilly. The bitterness of the hops in beer really starts to get ugly when heated up as well. Oof!

4. Bathe in. It’s a big waste of the beautiful beverage and beer wasn’t meant to encounter certain body parts. Ever.

5. Play stupid drinking games. The difference of drinking to drink and get drunk and silly isn’t what any brewer intends. Plus then you simply encourage the stupidity of humanity to manifest. Really, we’ve already got plenty of that – let’s go the other direction. Sip, savor, share.

BONUS: Don’t put it in a public fountain! While it certainly sounds fun, it’d create a stampede and curious after effects for cleaning….besides, this isn’t a new (or good) idea. Check this out.

So there you have it. Hope this makes you smile. Now, go enjoy a beer.

FYI: In the interest of Full Disclosure, I wrote this article for All About Beer a while back…

Categories: Beer

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